Takoma Lindsay PhD, LMFT
I thought I was going to be the greatest husband–but I was wrong. I quickly fell into the same traps most men and couples encounter, but it took me a while to realize it. Initially, I thought I was a great husband. My wife struggled with anxiety and I was high-functioning, so it was easy for both of us to blame any issues on her anxiety. After a couple of years, my wife finally started to speak up and not take the blame for things anymore. We started fighting a lot more, but this challenging period ultimately sent us on a life-changing journey to build a truly incredible marriage!
We all bring positive and negative coping mechanisms and responses from our upbringing into our adult relationships. We learn the best we can from our experience growing up, and then with little to no direction, we do our best. Is it any surprise then that the divorce rate is so high and even more couples remain unhappy? For example, my childhood experience taught me that I need to suppress my emotions, be strong and deal with stuff myself, and work hard to provide for my family. I thought that was the blueprint to be a good husband and I was surprised when it didn’t work.
About the same time we got married, I decided I wanted to become a therapist. Having never experienced therapy myself, my wife and I decided to try couples counseling. We jumped from therapist to therapist because we couldn’t find someone who specialized in couples counseling. We eventually gave up on counseling and went to graduate school to become a therapist. The introspective work of becoming a therapist highlighted my weaknesses. As I began talking with my wife about these insights, she then started speaking up more. We then finally found an expert couples counselor! The combination of couples counseling and becoming a therapist was intense and difficult, but it allowed us to heal and connect in ways we never knew were possible. We were learning about true connection.
We have been on this journey for years now and our relationship is night and day better than it was before. My capacity to love and be loved has grown exponentially. The amount of growth we have experienced in the years since therapy is truly amazing, and I cannot imagine the deeper love we will cultivate in another 5, 10, 20, and 40 years as we continue to experience true connection. I have now witnessed countless relationships break their cycle of pain and find healing and connection they didn’t know was possible.
Please schedule a free discovery visit today so I can guide you through your unique struggles and help you experience true connection!
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