Brian Johnson, MMFT, LMFT

When I was five years old, my aunt and uncle tragically died in a car accident and my five cousins became my siblings. Overnight I went from being the youngest of six, to number nine of eleven. In a household of thirteen people, everyone coped with the sudden chaos differently. There were some intense emotions and conflicts with some family members, but you didn’t see that from me. I coped by hiding my feelings, staying quiet, and playing the role of peace maker. For a long time I thought I was doing the right thing, but I have since realized that not letting people truly see me kept me from truly connecting in my relationships.

I see similar patterns in most couples I work with, hiding and being afraid to show our partners our true selves. Losing connection with those we love is deeply painful. Whether you are considering divorce, feel confused by how intensely you fight, or over time haven’t experienced the emotional depth you’ve been longing for, beneath the desperate protests and withdrawal is the pain of disconnection. Two people desperate for connection, but terrified that opening up will only push their partner further away.